UNDERGROUND KAUAI

Many on Kauai have a grave concern about the radioactive smart meters soon to be installed by the infamous Kauai Island Utility Cooperative-KIUC-which has in mind a dastardly plot to harm all innocent inhabitants-women, children, men, seniors, every living thing-for reasons yet to be disclosed.

Far be it for me to strike fear into the hearts of men, but it does appear, and many Websites and blogs confirm, they mean to do you great disservice. To make matters worse, their tactics are reprehensible. In broad daylight, armed men-in black unmarked uniforms and masks- will appear unexpectedly at your doorstep and demand entrance. If that doesn’t work, in the dead of night they will slither forth.  You- your family, kids and your animals, too-are to be radiated to death 24/7. Every single waking moment, every single sleeping moment,  every single hour of every single day and every single night you are to be murdered in your bed or while you’re up walking around and eating.

That’s why UNDERGROUND KAUAI  INCORPORATED has come to town. Above reproach and working with your best interest at heart, our colorful and informative brochure will arrive soon in the mail. Partnered  with a venerable landed family, we’ve  taken a new approach. An UNDERGROUND SUBURB is planned to perfection. The land located for this venture has a clear, clean, uncontaminated source of water  which, for a yet to be determined  fee,  is available to all. Power, of course, will be free of as much  radioactive contamination as possible.

Smoking and microwaves are allowed in all single family and studio dwellings. (Not allowed in malls or condominiums. Strict rules and regulations will be observed.) These options are yours by special request and yet to be determined fees.

Matson containers can be cozy underground studios to be enjoyed. Buried deep, the descent from above is a charming circular steel stair case. Personalized marble markers, of various size and quality, will aid you in finding the right address.  Prices start as low as $300,000. Larger and more elaborate single family dwellings and  condominiums are available also. Prices for these obtainable on request.

An important feature of this brave new design is that, from the surface, the land will be scaped to resemble a well-tended cemetery, keeping  it vandal free and a  quiet vista to look forward to when you ascend or descend.

There are also plans for an underground mall. Shops, theaters, restaurants, spas, and other amenities are a future projection. Custom built hideaways are also available and friendly planners, contractors, artists, and architects are waiting now to guide you through the process.

Please call us soon. Space is limited.

Yours,

Colonel Charles Warren Skinner 111

Chairman of The Board, CEO, President of UNDERGROUND KAUAI INCORPORATED.

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