…..ooops, that’s Moroni. He’s the messenger from god who first appeared, according to Joseph Smith the founder of the Church of the Later Day Saints, on the 21st of September in 1823.  Joseph was 18 years old.

As you know I’ve interviewed many gods. Had a great party on Saturday, May 21, last year when everybody on the planet who was good guys-144,000 of”em- would be raptured up to heaven mit’out’der underpants. A bunch of the gods and I took shots at them as they flapped their fat and skinny asses off to heaven. Eros actually got one. Everyone got drunk and had a good time. Happy to see them off.

Ceaser Augustus and Jesus spun yarns at the bar as Hestia and I cleaned up the mess.

This would be the first time I ever interviewed a messenger from god and I hoped he appeared to me as he appeared to Joseph. Again I quote, “He had on a loose robe of the most exquisite whiteness. it was whiteness beyond anything earthly I had ever seen.”

Moroni called Joseph by name, introduced himself and told him god had work for him to do. He told him about a book written on gold plates and gave him an accounting of “former inhabitants on this continent”.

Moroni also quoted some passages from the Bible. Third chapter Malachi: “For behold, the day cometh that shall turn as an oven. and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly shall burn as stubble; for they that come shall burn them, saith the Lord of Hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.”

I looked it up and couldn’t find it in my King james Version. Guess I’ll have to ask him about that, too.

Now a good journalist, which I do not pretend to be-but I try- does her homework. Is prepared with questions. Knows the subject. So I searched Joseph’s chronicles for more stuff about this guy.

Again quoting Joseph, he said, “…the fullness of the Gentiles was soon to come.” Now this one stopped me. Gentile? What is the correct definition? “A person of a non-Jewish nation, non-Jewish faith, especially a  Christian as distinguished from a Jew.”

Well I must ask about that.

Something else that bothered me was the gender thing. I mean the JW’s have women in the field thumping. The Morons always have a pair of guys in black pants and white shirts pushing their version.

Fortunately I had dark glasses on when the apparition appeared. Blinding. A voice from hell. I fell to my knees.

“Mormons are not Morons. What i quote is the word of GOD. Let’s keep the gentile thing out of this. As for females. Mormon females are the best cooks, house cleaners and breeders on the planet. if you want a good female who can cook and clean and breed, marry one and have lots of kids.”

It zapped me a good one across the head before it left. Actually i saw no figure but I guess I got my answer.


One Response

  1. Your back, can’t wait to hear abbout the day ypou met ‘Obama!


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