FOLLOW DaFELLA

There was an ad  break between MIZ TEEFARTY’S  interview  and my next guest, Follow DaFellow.  Merck Sharp and Dohme were pushing a new headache powder called Zipozeen. Fierce headaches being the syndrome of the week. Pour a teaspoon of the stuff in a glass of water, add a dollop of sugar and drink. Has a distinct apple/orange/pineapple flavor. I drink it several times a day. Seems the more I drink, the more I want to drink-that’s good-but the headaches are gone. Only one side effect,  but I wear darling slimmed down incontinence panties from Drake. Their ad-a cutie bottom, rounded out and swinging- follows Merck’s. Our sales crew is the greatest. Our models straight out of Victoria’s secret. Thanks guys and dolls.

Follow DaFella’s timing was perfect. He made an entrance. Handsome hunk, I must admit. Very Arian. Nordic. Blond crew, jade green eyes-probably contacts- he was about as casual as they come. Designer  jeans, thongs, pedicured toes, bare brown feet, and an aloha shirt to vomit for.

“Aloha,” I played along. Purely extemporaneous, I’d not been prepped.

“Aaaa-low-ha,” he sang. He grinned a big, white 60K implant drop dead grin and plunked in the chair like it was a pool of water. I  expected a splash. “Love your jewelry,” he said. “Can’t hang too much gold around your neck in these times. Try these.” He handed me a pair of earrings so heavy I was afraid when I removed the ones I wore and put them on, my lobes would stretch to my shoulders. “Ahhh,” he said, “that’s better. We love our chattel. Nothing too good for those of the other sex. Mothers of the world. Cooks. Cleaners. Good fellowship Christians.”

“Even though I am a professional and hold a job I am that,” I smiled the faintest. Chattel me, hunky, and I’ll be doing penance and counting beads for a week.

“One thing about the Family, we are flexible. Unlike many of others we must learn to be friendly fellows with. We’re not into the racial thing. Jesus certainly doesn’t care what color your skin is.”

“Understandable. You come from that exotic backwoods blue state.  Hawaii? Lots of brown skins in that puddle of fish.”

“A wide variety of religions, too. Budhists. Mormons. Hindus. Not to worry. We’re working on it. Have to be practical, though. Getting elected is the number one priority, Can’t do a thing for Jesus if we aren’t in office. Have a few  key men planted and a Jesus camp to die for.”

“Or in.” You know how I love to tease.

“If it doesn’t take. We don’t  make a scene. Ovens smoke. And stink. Trades blow in. Blow out.”

I thought I’d cut this short. “And what would you tell the masses on this magnificent red map?”

“Tell them to remember ‘Greed is a virtue’. Poverty is a sin. And when God speaks directly to you, as it did to my cousin- once removed- Abraham Vereide, you listen.”

I signaled the camerman to cut.